10 steps in becoming a ‘real man’

Most people associate men with being jerks and hurting people. Even though hurting people has nothing to do with being a man. The goal for you, as a man, is to awaken the highest aspect of man hood within yourself, not to become testosterone driven, competitive, egomaniacs. It just so happens that the standard example of the “real man” is the man whose divine masculinity is drowning in shadow aspects. In our society, the typical man is also known as “the asshole”. A person most men don’t want to be. But it is because of this association with masculinity that most men don’t want to embrace their man hood.

Being a man represents action, direction, movement, responsibility, strength, focus, fatherhood, the sun, generosity, encouragement, material abundance, clarity, intellect, transformation and growth.

Here are some suggestions, which will help you tap into your own man hood:


Explore, question and heal your ideas and feelings towards fatherhood and towards your own father.

Your first introduction to the divine masculine is your father. If you have resistance to your father, you have resistance to the real man within you. This means that one of the most important parts of the process of coming into your own male essence is to examine and heal the relationship between you and your father. What you do need to do is separate yourself from your father so you can shed off all the damaging ideas he passed on to you and set yourself free from him. You will find that once you distance yourself mentally and emotionally from him, You can learn to be yourself and only then can you make peace with your father. Only then can you truly embody the real man within you.

Examine what you learned while you were growing up about what it meant to be male.

Examine the traditional gender roles and associations with masculinity on your culture. This will vary even from culture to culture in your own country. For example the traditional role of being male entails: Being the provider, Protecting and defending women and children, Managing money,  Either playing or watching sports or both,  Being the head of the household, Responsibility,  Strength, Hunting, Being a husband,  Being a father, Not expressing fears/other emotions (especially not crying), Having a successful career,  Achievements, Owning a nice car, Being able to fix things,  Doing the manual labor jobs around the house, Being goal oriented and so on.After you examine what it means in your family and culture to be male, decide what parts of that you connect with and enjoy and what parts you do not. The answer will be different for all men, because the real manliness expresses itself in different ways.



Embrace forward movement.

A big part of moving forward is the willingness to take risks and learn how to turn mistakes into beneficial lessons to propel you forward even faster. Stagnation is the opposite of the manly energy. When you are unwilling to make mistakes, you stagnate and the real man energy within you becomes suppressed. No more hiding from fears. If you’re committed to embracing your masculinity, it is time to face your fears head on.

Adopt a confident posture.

Confidence is forward moving energy. Your confidence will naturally make your body language and posture change; but what most people don’t know is that you can deliberately use confident body language and posture to create mental confidence. Stand up straight and tall with your shoulders back and your chest exposed. Walk with purpose. Look at people in the eye and hold your body in a posture that exudes purpose.


Be an active giver.

Being a man, you are not a passive receiver of love instead an active giver of love. This means, learn how to initiate. Be a transmitter. A man- is generous; he isn’t stingy with himself or with his resources. This applies to sex as well. Manhood is to sexuality what feminine is to sensuality. Channel your sexual energy instead of repressing it. A real man does not let his energy get stuck in the sacral chakra at the level of lust. He is brave enough to let it move up through his heart and mind. When you feel yourself getting sexually stimulated, take the energy you feel in your pelvis and breathe it up through your body. Visualize breathing it up your spine and into your chest and neck and head. Visualize it flooding your whole body. Channel this energy towards heart-centered pursuits; let it drive you to action. Sexual energy is energy you can use. You can channel it towards anything you desire.


Take on the role of the encourager.

If you are the worrier or the skeptic, who warns yourself and others against going through with things (who warns against forward movement) you are suppressing the man in you. Don’t warn people around you off the path they are headed towards. Instead, encourage them towards their fears; encourage them to make the attempt. Honor their process. Allow them to make mistakes without rescuing them. The rescuer is not a function of manhood; it is a function of boyhood. The rescuer is a boy trying to prove himself. A man does not need to prove himself. Real manhood is all about growth and encouraging others towards growth. Encouragement is the most divine manifestation of the masculine expression of love.

Take responsibility.

To embrace the real man in you, you must learn how to own your own life, mind and choices. Inner strength rides on the ability to consciously take charge of yourself. This means, no more blaming other people for your problems. You can only move forward when you discover what you are doing to hold yourself back. A real man understands that you can only change yourself; so your only axis of power is what you do with yourself. Hold yourself accountable for everything you think, say and do. Catch yourself in the act if you are thinking and acting like a victim. Part of taking responsibility for yourself is coming to know yourself. If you are avoiding things, most especially yourself, you are suppressing the man in you.

Pick a skill, trade or specific expertise to fully develop.

Divine manhood is about excellence. To excel means to move forward. It means growth. It doesn’t matter what you choose to turn into expertise as long as you have something in your life that you are determined to develop and master.


Examine your resistance relative to being male on the spiritual, mental, physical and societal level.

Resistance is a word we use to describe the energy behind negative emotion. Do you have resistance (therefore negative emotion) relative to how tall or short you are? Do you have resistance relative to being a husband? Do you have resistance relative to opening doors for women or paying for dates? Do you have resistance relative to your job? Do you have resistance to your level of fitness? Do you have resistance towards being direct with others? Do you have resistance to sex? Does some part of you believe that it isn’t manly to express your emotion? Or to really get your hands dirty raising children? Try to find your core beliefs relative to the resistance you feel and then release those core beliefs. You need to be willing to heal your negative emotions relative to anything you identify as male to set the masculinity within you free. It is exhausting suppressing the essence of who you are. And so, it is time to quit suppressing who you are.


Learn about women.

Learn about our cycles, learn about our bodies, and learn about our minds, our cultural conditioning and our desires. The more you learn about women, the more confidence you will have around them. This is especially important if you are in a relationship with someone. Every woman is different. We are only a mystery to you if you don’t take the time to understand us individually. So learn to ask us questions and pay attention to us. Continuing to propagate the belief that women are a mystery sets you up to fail. Once you become convinced that we are a mystery, it is my promise that we always will be. There is a little theory that goes like this, women like men that are either ass holes, or treat them badly. It isn’t true. But that is a topic for another day!!


Related Articles

Back to top button