You know what they say about the people we love: They are the ones we confide in, the people we turn to when there’s something important weighing on our minds and our hearts. Their role as confidants is often heralded as one of their most significant contributions to our lives. But sometimes it can end up as one of the worst betrayal, our confidants passing the message to a third party. The following tips will help you to be smart before you can share a personal matter with anyone.
1. A Good Listener.
Give thought to whether the person has listened well in the past, whether they maintain eye contact when you speak in person, whether they make supportive sounds when you speak in person or on the phone, and whether they avoid checking their phone when you’re at the most dramatic part of a story.
2. A Supportive Person .
Ideally you should choose someone who will see things from your point of view, at least when you’re sad and looking for empathy. Do not confide in a person who say things like, “Just to play devil’s advocate for a moment,” and then take the other side.
3. A Person Who Offers Empathy & Emotional Validation.
It’s important that someone you open up to not only sees things from your perspective, but is capable of expressing these perceptions as well. When someone can convey back to us an accurate understanding of how and why we feel the way we do, it has a powerful positive impact on our state of mind.
4. A Person Who Isn’t Likely To make It About Them.
Some people are quick to offer support, but even quicker to follow it up with, I know exactly how you feel the same thing happened to me! and then go off talking about themselves. Make sure to choose someone who’s willing to stay focused on your experience while you’re in pain.
5. A Loyal Person.
When we’re hurting, the desire to share can override our decision, making about whether the person is likely to keep our confidences and respect our privacy. Don’t forget to give thought to whether this person is likely to be as discreet and loyal as you expect and need them to be.
6. People Who Have Earned Your Respect.
Be smart. If you experienced a nasty breakup and a person calls you and say, “You’ve got to tell me what happened exactly! Please!” Do not confide in them, rather go for someone who has respect your feelings and can say, “I heard what happened, and I’m very sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”.
7. A Person Who Gives You Space.
If a person respects you when you tell them that you are not ready to tell them something, and that you want to be alone, trust them. They are not keen on knowing what is going on, hence they are not about gossip.