It goes without saying that when someone has hurt you deeply, it can be very challenging to forgive them. When a person you trust betrays you, you feel as if something has been stolen from you. However, being able to truly forgive a person for hurting you can help you to feel better and maybe even mend your relationship. The following tips will help you forgive and move on with your life without carrying around grudges.
1. Let Go Of Your Resentment.
If you resent the person for the harm he or she has caused, then you’ll never be able to move on, both in your own life and in continuing your relationship. Accept that what has been done is done. It won’t happen overnight, but the sooner you aim to let go of your resentment, the sooner it will become a priority. Focus moving forward instead of stewing.
2. Talk To Someone.
If you’re feeling really hurt and upset about what happened, talking to someone else about it can help you gain some valuable perspective. Instead of mulling it over on your own or isolating yourself, talk to another person to help you gain some insight and to feel like you’re less alone.
3. Let Time Pass.
Another important aspect of forgiving someone is being able to take some time to just be alone with your thoughts. If someone has really wronged you, whether your boyfriend has cheated on you or your best friend has been saying hurtful things behind your back, it’s important to take some time to get space and spend some time on your own.
4. Think Before You Speak.
Prepare how you want to start the conversation and what you want to say before you initiate the conversation. Though you may be feeling bitter, anger, hurt, or confused, you should find a way to delicately state these emotions instead of exploding or saying something you don’t really mean.
5. Express Your Feelings.
As part of your conversation, tell the other person how his or her actions made you feel. Be as honest as possible, expressing the pain you have been going through. Be open about your feelings to show that the person has really hurt you and that you have had a hard time dealing with it. Make eye contact and speak slowly, showing that you really mean what you say.
Put yourself in their shoes. There are always two sides to a coin. Hear the other person out and listen to what they have to say. Let the person talk without interrupting them, and try to see the situation from his or her side of the story.
7. Take Some Time Apart.
Assess whether or not you need some physical time away from the person who hurt you. If you do, then there’s no shame in saying you need a few weeks, a few months, or just that you want to be apart until you’re ready for more time together. Make this clear to the person so he or she doesn’t keep trying to return back to your normal relationship when you don’t feel ready.
8. Take It Easy.
Once you’re ready to move forward with the person, slowly ease back into the relationship. Things might not go back to normal right away. Hang out only once or twice a week instead of every day or hang out in groups before you do some of the more intimate, personal things you used to do together.
9. Let Go Of The Past.
Avoid dwelling on the past as you move forward with your relationship. Continuing to think about the past will limit your trust of the person, leading to a stifled relationship. You do not necessarily need to “forgive and forget”; instead forgive and learn from the experience.
10. Love Yourself.
A crucial part of forgiveness and moving forward after you forgive is to love and forgive yourself. You are probably much harder on yourself then you are with others. You may feel unlovable or like you have been too hard on the person who hurt you.