We live in a depressed, obsessed, guilt and reward society. The media have wheeled out puppets in the form of human beings. We have been programmed to act and react in a certain way. We misplace the guilt we have for food with the joys of sex. Become obsessed with the body. The more rewards received from society in life, the more we become depressed. Now sex has become an actual addiction. We have replaced it by alcohol and drugs. The most taboo of all addictions and one that lurks in the shadows. In this day and age we have gone from free love to Aids, cigarettes to cancer and now drugs and to sex addiction. We have seen it in Hollywood, with the likes of David Duvuchoney and sitcoms such as Sex and the city, Californication and the list goes on. Now it has hit mainstream people.
We are living in a society that needs “pick me ups”. Are you feeling down? Go and have a happy meal. Are you feeling nervous? Pop a pill or two. Better yet go on Prozac. Are you feeling ugly? Go visit your plastic surgeon. Are you feeling unloved? Here’s a way to spice up your sex life. Your man will love this, hot wild sex. And if he doesn’t treat you right here are the 10 steps to cheat without getting caught. Be kinky. Be naughty. Society gives us the classified problem followed by how to get rid of it. We don’t have to think for ourselves anymore. If society says we feel like that, well, then we do!
Depression is at the highest rate it has ever been with millions of people on anti depressants; we have billions of books written for us to understand depression. Our depression is now labelled and put into a box. In Elizabeth Wurtzel’s memoir book, Prozac Nation, she can’t understand her depression until her doctor classifies it as a typical depression, People “respond positively to good things that happen to them, are able to enjoy simple pleasures like food and sex, and tend to oversleep and overeat. Their depression, which is chronic rather than periodic and which usually dates from adolescence, largely shows itself in lack of energy and interest, lack of initiative, and a great sensitivity to periodic-particularly romantic-rejection.” That sounds like our youth of today. We are programmed to be depressed and then rewarded for snapping out of it, because depression rolls in the money for anti depressant companies. But what they forget to tell you are the long term effects getting off anti depressants and how difficult it is to get off it. If you know how bad it is you might want to stay on it forever. According to ‘How to quit without feeling sh*#’, authors Patrick Holford, David Miller and doctor James Braly, UK doctors wrote out 31 million prescriptions for antidepressants in 2006, at a cost of 291 million pounds. Depression is a money making industry. Society jumped on the bandwagon with them.
Rush of the hit
All addiction is linked to the “rush of the hit”. The feeling one gets when gambling, drinking, doing drugs and even shopping. It is no different when it comes to sex. The desire for the exhilaration is the addiction. Think about all the young kids today having sex. Some even start at 13. Why? Where have we gone wrong and why this obsession and exploitation of sex? Ask anyone in media and they will tell you how sex sells. How our celebrities, our songs, movies, fashion revolve around sex. How did we get here? According to authors Joe E Grant and S.W. Kim of the book ‘stop me because I can’t stop myself’, “people with impulse disorders usually describe fairly specific triggers for their urges. The majority of pathological gamblers report that advertisements such as those on television or radio, having extra money and time, and the possibility of winning are the primary triggers of urges. Compulsive shoppers may find that television adverts prompt their cravings, while people with compulsive sexual behaviour cite media representations of people with attractive bodies as the most frequent force behind their urges.” This goes to show how the media/society is fuelling our urges for our addictions. Depression and obsession follow.
Now we can even be addicted to love. According to Doctor Ian Kerner, author of ‘Be honest-you’re not that into him either’, Helen Fisher suggests that “romantic love is such a euphoric high and this passion produces craving, obsession, compulsion, distortion of reality, emotional and physical dependence, personality change, and loss of self-control, many psychologists regard romantic love as an addiction- a positive addiction when your love is returned, a horribly negative fixation when your love is spurned and you can’ let go” sounds like a guilt and reward system that society has jumped on.
I looked further into this “mad sex everywhere” phenomenon and what came to mind is how we have become obsessed with sex. We watch it, we speak about it, and we read and write about it. Philosopher Foucault emphasised how sex should be a private matter. No one should know anything about our sex lives. We should not discuss anything and compare notes. Because then we become programmed to like and dislike what we ought to like and dislike according to society. Society tells us what is normal to like and what is abnormal. And then of course we get the judgemental factor. We are judged and labelled. Gay, lesbian, and straight. We are put into tiny boxes for the whole world to see. When did sex become so open and devalued? Now the question is: how many men have you slept with? How much is too little? Too much? What’s normal? How must one look at sex? In a relationship? Must we be in love? Or can it be lust? The more partners the more experienced, the better partner? We are being weighed according to our sex lives.
A new generation of pick-up artists (pua) have spread like wild fire over the world. Neil Strauss’ book the Game teaches men how to pick up women. There are workshops being held for men to improve their skills in the dating department. Has sex become a sophisticated game? With divorce rates sky high we can link married men to the temptress world that has taken over. How can anyone stay faithful when sex is everywhere? How can young girls and boys date when they not sure if dating means guaranteed sex or if they are sleeping with other people? Now the average man can have any amount of sex partners. But is that right? Society encourages women to have a great sex life with such articles as, “Do this to make your man happy” but are they actually manipulating women into believing what is sexy and beautiful and desirable? You are judged if you follow. You are judged if you don’t. You are being judged nonetheless.
We don’t look within. We have become all about the body. How to please it and how to look good. We have become all physical, no more mind and soul. We live in a society that makes us feel guilty, diagnosis the problem and then tells us how to overcome it and then rewards us. This is the vicious circle that has taken over. We have become obsessed with everything that pleases the body, especially sex; have forgotten how to think for ourselves. They don’t teach us how to think instead they tell us what to think. And the more depressed, obsessed and needy we get. When you look at the bigger picture we are being humiliated. It is time to stop following and start standing up for what we THINK is right. Don’t follow the herd, stand out and go against the majority. Looking at the world today, the majority are usually not right. The only thing we should get rid of is our obsession